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Behind the Mind of an Obsessed Shannen Doherty Fan
 
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Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in Red's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, October 5th, 2003
3:13 pm
Rellik.
I miss Rellik.

Miss, miss like AddictedToTheRell miss. It's been awhile since she's posted something on HH and it's been awhile since Catie has, too. I guess I'm just lonely. *laughs hysterically*

Speaking of lonely, I haven't talked to Andrew in a long while. Really long time. Huh.

I don't think I've ever posted anything about HH in here. *pokes stupid journal* Actually, it's been a while since I've posted anything in here. But I guess I'm just not up to keeping a journal. It's annoys me. I can post something stupid in here and then come back and read it and know that other people have read it too. It's a social gathering, this place. Not a confidential journal.

*mean face*

Um. I missed Jake's birthday! LOL! I remember October 2nd and it's...the 17th of September? *smacks self* Dude I am so screwy lately.

Things are good.
Other things are not.

But what else is new?

And Ands, hey. It was good talking to you again, even if it was for 35 seconds or less. =D

Later all
rt

Current Mood: cold
2 Found Mulder and Scully| Take me Home
Wednesday, August 13th, 2003
8:03 pm
Yo Catie :D
So say I was to apologize for not writing back.

Say that I have tried a million times, but each time my fingers try to write, the blinking of the cursor distracts me and a jillion things invade my mind and I don't know where to start or how to say thanks...but I'm still feelin' like crap.

You might even say that I got a certain email from a certain person that said someone talked to someone else on the fuckin' phone and how someone else *ahemME* was extremely jealous and excited. Say that person said you had the most angelic voice she ever heard even when all ya'll talked about was meaningless something or anothers. Say that I didn't catch the whole convo because the email was short. But say that I was happy.

Would you forgive me then?
1 Found Mulder and Scully| Take me Home
Wednesday, August 6th, 2003
4:24 pm
*clicks fingers against the wall*

Ands. Damn your Italy traveling! *pouts in jealousy*

......Fucking Stimulating. Gotta love Voodood.

- POINTLESS ENTRY. LO SIENTO -
Take me Home
Wednesday, July 23rd, 2003
3:55 pm
I don't know who this person is. But I love you.

http://xfmufic.tripod.com/stories/southboundtrain.txt

Andy, I will fly all the way up there and snog you senseless if you write me some nice and dirty Doggett/Mulder slash -- with my pretty Scully watching. *grins wildly and really, really, really needs more of this slash*

*whimpers and gives you puppy dog eyes*

Finding communities is hard on this place without a paid account....*rubs chin*....hmm...I must consider this option...


Current Mood: discontent
Take me Home
Tuesday, July 22nd, 2003
4:24 pm
It's been awhile since I've written in here...
As of July 18th, I'm no longer pregnant.

*gives everyone a look of complete satisfaction and happiness*

Current Mood: calm
2 Found Mulder and Scully| Take me Home
Thursday, May 1st, 2003
9:54 am
Bored to death
*KISSES* to AndreaLyn for the wonderful artisticness that she portrays.

You have to love her. You'll pulled into it and then you can't quit. It's an addiction...that I have no desire to quit.

I wonder if she's rotting my lungs.

Current Mood: artistic
1 Found Mulder and Scully| Take me Home
Tuesday, April 15th, 2003
6:39 pm
To Pretend
Nobody knows how truly easy it is to pretend. To plaster a smile on your face and give an encouraging nod. "I'm great, thanks. And you?" Or maybe, people want to assume that your fine. They don't really want to see the pain and defeat etched through your eyes. They want to block it all out and remember the you who isn't hurt and slowly dying inside. They truly want to remain clueless. So they turn their plastic, ignorant grins onto you. "Good, good. So...what's going on in your life?" They question you like they want the real answer. Freakishly convincing...teetering you on the edge of your seat until you're about to scream your problems, and then you see the relief behind their eyes when they notice you hesitate. You can almost see the list ticking off their daily activities and you know playing therapist isn't one of their to-do tasks. So you sigh and wrinkle your nose like, 'You know how it is...' and simply shrug you shoulders, trying desperately to contain the tears that threaten to take over your so far calm demeanor. "Well...I'll see you later, then." Their mental clock ticks and they scurry off, waving a nonchalant hand behind them to signafy a goodbye. You lick your lips and wipe the sweat from your palms, hoping beyond hope that you'll make it somewhere secluded before you let the tears fall. And then you see them. The laughing, careless, immortal teenagers that remind you who you used to be and the dreams you used to have...and what you ended up with. You cusp your ever-growing stomach, searching for the solace of the steady heartbeats, or perhaps willing the tiny souls inside to kick you into your senses. And you pretend to survey what could possibly be in your eyes as they walk by and point at the weeping pregnant lady. Your legs collapse under you, and the weight of a thousand or so stares weigh down on your grief. Your heart thuds deliriously and then...it all stops. You calmly smooth your shirt and offer a brilliant smile to the passerbyes. "Don't get alot of sleep anymore." You offer apologetically to the questioning, worrisome glances of your neighbors and friends. They nod their heads and the old women exchange knowing glances. One nods their grey head sympathetically and questions you, "How far along are you, deary?" And your heart stops. How far along are you? Bile rises in your throat, and once again tears brim your already red eyes. Finally you mutter, "Around 4 months. Excuse me." And bolt towards the door. You arrive home and can't control the sobs that wrack your body. You feel this intense shame, but decide you don't care because no one can see you. Then you doorbell rings, and there, on your front steps, stands your parents. The parents who raised you to believe sex was the literal devil, and that only beautiful girls had it. So when you had abstained for so many years, scared to death of your parents, they reminded you that it was because you were flat ugly. And looked your worse when you cried. And there you are, a sobbing heap of shit on your living room floor, when they arrive. ...I can't stand to live anymore. If it weren't for these babies, I don't think I would make it to tomorrow.

Current Mood: drained
Take me Home
Wednesday, March 26th, 2003
8:43 pm
Sometimes I wonder...
...

She looked at me, her face filled with an unknown feara fear of what was behind uswhat was in front of what we were condemned to. It scared me. Every aspect of the undeniably soul-eating fear was etched through her blue eyesand for the first time since I can remember, I lost all faith that my big sister could get me out unharmed and alive.

She grabbed my hand. "Listen to me, Piper. I won't let anything happen to you." I wanted to believe her. My soul screamed viciously at me to trust her judgmentbut that lookoh, godthat look in her eyes should never have to exist in anyone. And as long as it did in her, I couldn't put my life in her hands.

I shook my head, and searched with my foot for the ground behind me. Then with a disgruntled grunt, I pulled my hand from her grasp.
Even amidst the pouring rain that fell from the black sky, I could see the pain that reflected in her eyesI wondered if I looked the same wayand then decided I didn't care.

Her mouth molded into utter confusion. "But"

A loud sound erupted in our ears, and together we flung towards the wet ground. Someone was screamingmaybe it was me. I whimpered. "Prue" I wanted her to save me...to get me out of this hell we'd been born into. I was sick of it. And she was the only one I ever knew that could take me anywhere.

I turned my head towards her, but she looked away.


*I officially suck at writing. Somebody help me break the habit of NEEDING to write. ANDY! SLASHERONI!*

Current Mood: curious
2 Found Mulder and Scully| Take me Home
Sunday, March 23rd, 2003
4:00 pm
Stupid people piss me off
(I wrote this:)

quote:

How do you know that what happened on 9/11 has anything at all to do with Saddam Hussein?? It seems like most of those who are pro-war "assume" that you guys declared war to get revenge.


Yo. Dude, Saddam WAS involved with the terrorist attacks. He supplies massive nuclear weapons to terrorists, including Laden.

How do you assume that he is not involved?

Then they replied:

...There is NO CONCLUSIVE PROOF that Saddam is connected with terrorist attacks. Yeah, he probably was happy about it, yeah, he may have sent a congratulatory message to Bin Laden but that he was involved? WE werent given any evidence, maybe the "yo dude" was?CAre to share?
Saddams regime may be as bad or worse ( I honestly dont know) thant the Talibans or the Saudi Arabia one but it is more laic, despite being Muslim it is not so fundamentalist. And we may not see great importance on that but that is enough for him not to be that close with BIn Laden (total phsyco who uses religion as an excuse for his atrocities). In conclusion, do you send a person to the electrical chair when you are not 100% sure he commited the crime? ( talking in a language close to Mr. Bush...dont even get me started....)


ASS. FUCKING. HOLE.

Kiss my ass, bitch.
Take me Home
Saturday, March 22nd, 2003
5:25 pm
How do you fall in love?

1.)Whats the first thing you notice about a guy/gal?
--His eyes

2.)What's the worst thing you've ever done to a relationship? (Your own)
--I broke it off with the person I fell madly in love with because he was unable to produce kiddies :(

3.)Ever cheated on your other half?
--Unfortunately, the answer to that one is yes.

4.)The worst reason you've broken up with someone.
--He had gross toenails. Ickeroni.

5.)Have you ever been tempted the other way of your sexuality? (Hetero to Homo or visa versa?)
--Only once. *shys away from questioning glances*

6.)'Your' sweetest song.
--Around by Natt's band Nasstily

7.)Your reaction when your other half breaks up with you.
--"The hell?! I'm supposed to do this part! Fuck ass. I can't believe you. I loved you! Oh, well, fuck you, too...*pause as he shouts*...well, you know what?! It IS to small to bring any pleasure and IT DOESN'T HAPPEN TO EVERY MAN!" (actual event, ladies and gentlemen)

8.)Read over these. Answer honestly. Do you think you're truly compatible to falling in love?
--I already have,and unfortunately, it didn't work out. But after reading this, probably never again.

***

See, that was supposed to make me feel better about myself.
Hehe.

Yo! Ali joined Nasstily! Woo for NASSTILY!!

She's a lyric writer with me. We've conjoined our forces and came out with this killer one :Dream World. But since I helped write it, I'm NOT posting it.

But, if you want to see the one Allisah wrote by herself:

Our Future

Oh, my lovely...I'm ready for the world to pass me by...So I can see...oh, oh I can see what I've become.

We've heard it all our lives. Learn from their mistakes. But, dammit I'm all out of ideas. I wanna be remembered for me. And me. And ooonly me. So how do I wait for what is to come? When what is to come is the future. Is the past. Is nothing I can grasp. Help me. Help me to see.

She looks so helpless all there by herself. She'll never know the meaning love. What do I say when we're face to face and she wants to know why.

Oh, why, my child, is a mystery to all. Why, sweet child, can we even ask why at all? Before us, heartache was always there. And now...we can't...escape. But listen for the sound of a searching soul...and you will find a way out.

Because, we are the future. And the future will be the past. And we will be remembered, for our mistakes and nothing less. Grasp the part of everything were you find your heart.

And believe. In what. Is to come.


***

KK, so I know it makes no sense, but it's damn beautiful when you put the melody on it. *whispers* I still thing My Sobs by ME is better, but...*shrugs and runs off before Ali can kill me*
Take me Home
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